“Why didn’t they report?” “Oh, she reported and now is not going to cooperate???” “If it were me, I’d press charges...”
We hear it all the time—but the reality is far more complex.
One of my clients—a survivor with 10 years of military service—was hospitalized years after a sexual assault for suicidal ideations and disclosed the assault.
- No victim advocate was assigned.
- He was diagnosed with a personality disorder, and told he’d be discharged with no benefits.
- I ghostwrote for him, helped him report when that did not work, and navigated the investigation.
- Eventually the military reversed the diagnosis – he received a medical discharge (with benefits).
He didn’t want to report. He did not want to prosecute. He just wanted help—and then spent two years fighting for his life and dignity.
Why might a survivor choose not to report or prosecute?
- They need services, not a trial.
- They fear retaliation, disbelief, or career-ending discharges.
- The offender is often someone close—like a friend or superior.
- They don’t want to “ruin a life”—just prevent more harm.
- Many still care about the offender’s family and future.
Reality check: According to RAINN, only about 5% of reported individuals will be arrested and only 2.5% will be incarcerated for sex abuse-related offenses.
As advocates, leaders, professionals, and survivors themselves:
- Document the “why” behind the choices.
- Acknowledge the risks survivors face.
- When you have to tell the story (to participate or not), tell it in a way so others can empathize—like it was their own sibling or child.
Ruth's Truth: Reporting is a “form”—it's not the same as participation. Choosing not to participate doesn't mean the assault didn't happen - it often means it did.